Tuesday, November 21, 2006

She should have worn this to the wedding


The champagne colored reception dress seen here is so much better than that awful Armani dress. At least it's not boring. Like we said, Armani's strong suit is not wedding dresses. The cake looks like every other cake at every other cookie cutter wedding. Cruise ate about 5 pieces in his new quest to become the first paunchy action hero.

Crouching Katie



Katie will be on bended knee to get face to face with her miniscule hubby for the rest of her life.

J Lo looks better than ever


Skeletal hubby also looks a little better.

Nick Zano is dating a total moron



Perez reports that Nick Zano is dating Kristin Cavallari. What the hell is he thinking? He used to date Amanda Bynes. They both star on the unwatchable show "What I Like About You."





Britney and Kevin officially claim that there is no sex tape


Britney leaves having sex on camera to her slutty new friend Paris.

Matthew McConnaughey would be jealous



Jake Gyllenhaal's latest love. According to Perez, they are totally into each other. Click on the comments page for her name.

Who's the worst?


  • Isaiah Washington (pictured above with his cute wife) for hating gays
  • Mel Gibson for hating Jews
  • Michael Richards for hating African Americans
  • Paula Abdul for hating good taste

Heidi is about to burst, but she still looks adorable


What to wear when you never want to have sex ever again


Cutie Alyssa Milano's message to the guys is loud and clear: I'm not getting busy tonight.

Nicole has a guilty conscience


Nicole Kidman was filled with guilt while waiting for her coffee at a Starbucks- knowing that she should have warned Katie against marrying Crazy Cruise. She had her chance. She knew it. But now.... it's too late. We all saw that disgusting kiss.

Jaime Pressley looks really pretty as a pregnant lady


We wish we could look this good. Normally we don't like her too much, but she does look really cute here.

Kevin Federline has a lot in common with Donald Rumsfeld


  • Both have been kicked to the curb
  • Both are vindictive losers
  • Both have made Americans' lives a living hell
Federline has really sunk to a new low according to TMZ. He plans to spend every hour of his life making Britney's life miserable through his lawyers in order to get more money out of her. Nevertheless, though Federline is a total loser, at least his poor planning wasn't responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent Americans and Iraqis. On Thanksgiving it's important to remember two things: Federline and Rumsfeld are both out!!!

It's official: Jack Osbourne is no longer butt ugly


Christina is still gorgeous, her husband still has a great personality


Sienna Miller's favorite pose: legs open for business


Here she is on the set of her new movie "Factory Girl." She still hates Jude and she still hates Pittsburgh.

Aiken and Ripa: An explosive and hostile situation was barely averted



When Clay Aiken agreed to guest host with Kelly Ripa little did he know that he needed to be ready for battle. As Kelly endlessly blabbed on and on, he felt his patience dissipating and was compelled to place his hand over her mouth. She did little to hide her annoyance. How dare Clay Aiken shut up Kelly Ripa? Her profound and well articulated musings is the only thing that helps people get up in the morning.

The wedding that tried to overshadow Tomkat



Jason Behr (32) and Kadee Strickland (30) got married on November 10, in Ojai, CA. Who are they? Behr was on the tv show Roswell. They both also starred together in "The Grudge."

K- Fed can't give it out for free


Free tickets to Kevin Federline's concert failed to lure people in. Possibly giving people one million dollars each would do the trick. But then again, that might not be enough.

Who is the owner of this gross hand?


Click on the comments page for the answer.

Kirsten and Orlando making Kate jealous




Kate Bonesworth is devastated by the news that Orlando has bounced back so quickly with Kirsten Dunst, a party girl who though flabby, occassionally engages in eating food. Believe it or not, men like women who eat every once in a while.

Jessica Simpson needs to ditch the circus shoes


They make her look really strange.

More fake wedding news


More tidbits on the wacky wedding, music edition.

The first dance for the couple was to Fleetwood Mac's "Songbird". That is actually a really pretty song and not as cliche as "At Last." The father/daughter dance was to "It's a Wonderful World." Katie's father felt the words of the song were appropriate, if "wonderful" means "completely crazy, controlling and wacky". At one point during the reception the DJ played "You've Lost that Loving Feeling" and Cruise got up and serenaded Holmes with the song. That's cute. The final song of the night was Def Lepard's "Love Bites." Holmes didn't bother to toss her bouquet.

Holy Crap!


Can someone please call 911. This is a real emergency. This chick doesn't have a clue about hair.

Nicollette Sheridan has a birthday today





Nicollette is actually young enough to be Goldie Hawn's daughter. Click on the comments page to find out how old she is today. She looks good, but not that good for her age. She was really beautiful when she starred in the movie "The Sure Thing."

The world would be more boring without Bai Ling in it


Guess how old Goldie Hawn is today?


Click on the comments page for the answer.

Catherine, stop dressing like grandma


She's so beautiful, but brocade is not for women under 60. P.S. - there's no way she's under 40.

When lips attack


Lisa Rinna has got to get lip reduction surgery pronto.

Anyone buy his apology?


Letterman: “Why don’t you explain exactly what happened for the folks who may not know.”
Richards: “I lost my temper on stage. I was at a comedy club trying to do my act and I got heckled and I took it badly and went into a rage and said some pretty nasty things to some Afro-Americans, a lot of trash talk, and uh…”
Letterman: “And you were actually being heckled or were they just talking and disturbing the act?”
Richards: “That was going on too.”
Continuing on...
Richards: “…You know, I’m really busted up over this and I’m very, very sorry to those people in the audience, the blacks, the Hispanics, whites – everyone that was there that took the brunt of that anger and hate and rage and how it came through, and I’m concerned about more hate and more rage and more anger coming through, not just towards me but towards a black/white conflict. There’s a great deal of disturbance in this country and how black feel about what happened in Katrina, and, you know, many of the comics, many of performers are in Las Vegas and New Orleans trying to raise money for what happened there, and for this to happen, for me to be in a comedy club and flip out and say this crap, you know, I’m deeply, deeply sorry. And I’ll get to the force field of this hostility, why it’s there, why the rage is in any of us, why the trash takes place, whether or not it’s between me and a couple of hecklers in the audience or between this country and another nation, the rage – “
Letterman: “But Michael, let me interrupt here for a second and ask a question about had the people doing the heckling or the people who were not paying attention, had they been white or Caucasian or any other race, what would have been the nature of your response then?”
Richards: “It may have happened. It may have happened. You know, I’m a performer. I push the envelope, I work in a very uncontrolled manner onstage. I do a lot of free association, it’s spontaneous, I go into character. I don’t know, in view of the situation and the act going where it was going, I don’t know, the rage did go all over the place. It went to everybody in the room. But you can’t – you know it’s, I don’t – I know people could, blacks could feel – I’m not a racist, that’s what so insane about this, and yet it’s said, it comes through, it fires out of me and even now in the passion that’s here as I confront myself.”